27 Powers

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Fight

Last night I was sad. I felt it coming on early in the day, that sad, sad feeling that everything is wrong, that any other perspective is nothing but an illusion, that I am defective—that I have an internal defect that makes me this way, makes me sad and wrong eternally.

I fought back.

"I'm sad because I'm sad," I said, "and it doesn't mean anything. Tomorrow may be different. Five minutes from now may be different."

Today IS different. Not happy, not sad, though I've had moments of each. But yesterday—all that—I know it was about Life of Pi, about the hyena killing the zebra by tearing open its belly and eating its guts from the inside. I know it was about the hyena beheading Orange Juice, the orangutan that was rescued as an infant and raised together with Pi like a sibling. I know it was about Pi stranded on that 26-foot lifeboat, terrorized by the hyena and the tiger, and about feeling sorry for them, for Pi and especially for the animals, who didn't ask to be put on the ship, who weren't willingly moving to their new zoo homes when the ship sank.

I know its just a story. Its all just a story--you, me, the whole thing.

Yesterday I was sad. Really, really sad. The kind of sad that wants to transform itself into despair. "I'm sad because I'm sad," I said. "And it doesn't mean anything."

I fought back.

8 Comments:

  • Hi! Found your post when I was searching for "Life of Pi". Seems like you were drawing an analogy from the story to an episode in your life (which was what made me read your post twice!). Feel free to repost your comments over at HighBrowseOnline. Would love to have you share what you wrote here. Cheers!

    By Blogger Ivan Chew, at 11/18/2005 9:43 AM  

  • I love that you chose to just accept what is and by doing so not let it have more power than it did.

    By Blogger la vie en rose, at 11/18/2005 11:15 AM  

  • it is, after all, about not making something a story, not making it more than it is, and accepting it simply as it is. you are transforming.

    By Blogger andrea dimiceli, at 11/18/2005 3:23 PM  

  • I am grateful for your writing, though I was sad that you felt sad in tha moment, there was something more in it. Something hopeful and freeing. Your writing is a great reminder that there is probably nothing one can't work through by writing about. Love,
    snowsparkle

    By Blogger snowsparkle, at 11/20/2005 11:41 AM  

  • I read Life of Pi and loved it. That part is really sad. I really love that book. That's good you choose not to just get scuked into your sadness, that is so easy for me to do too. www.heathersreadingroom.blogspot.com I wrote my thoughts on the book there.

    By Blogger Heather, at 11/21/2005 11:37 AM  

  • Why the name, "27 powers" ??

    http://theharmless27.blogspot.com

    By Blogger mattharmless, at 1/14/2006 10:03 AM  

  • Good for you! I understand what i means to have this inexplicable sadness. Sadness that turns, as you so aptly said, into despair. It is not easy to navigate, and I commend you for it.

    By Anonymous bran, at 1/28/2006 1:52 PM  

  • Its hard to let ourselves just feel through the harder feelings we have...by ignoring them, its as if we tip ourselves toward their favor even more.

    By Blogger GoGo, at 2/05/2006 3:51 AM  

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