LIke Reaching

like reaching
on a cold morning 
for something
besides this coffee
this good, strong coffee

like reaching
peering
seeking
something
on a friday morning
cold
cartoons
kids

and a quiet feeling
a tired feeling

one reader said she thought I was smothering my soul
and it haunts me
my homeopath said I was riding a class 5 rapid
and that I was doing a very good job
even if it could kill me

in my writing class last night
7 women around my dining room table
many, mostly gay, some not
I felt compelled
why?
to write about fucking him
wrote about the power of it
the seizure of it
didn't write about the emptiness part
the part where I collapse inside myself afterwards
the part where I have to go home, get home, and fast

i'm telling you
it's hard to tell the truth about some things
especially to your friends
and even to yourself
and sometimes
let's cut me some slack
that truth comes slowly
reveals itself in cups
 of strong, black coffee