LIke Reaching

like reaching
on a cold morning 
for something
besides this coffee
this good, strong coffee

like reaching
peering
seeking
something
on a friday morning
cold
cartoons
kids

and a quiet feeling
a tired feeling

one reader said she thought I was smothering my soul
and it haunts me
my homeopath said I was riding a class 5 rapid
and that I was doing a very good job
even if it could kill me

in my writing class last night
7 women around my dining room table
many, mostly gay, some not
I felt compelled
why?
to write about fucking him
wrote about the power of it
the seizure of it
didn't write about the emptiness part
the part where I collapse inside myself afterwards
the part where I have to go home, get home, and fast

i'm telling you
it's hard to tell the truth about some things
especially to your friends
and even to yourself
and sometimes
let's cut me some slack
that truth comes slowly
reveals itself in cups
 of strong, black coffee

comfort food

creamy polenta, mashed potatoes, spaghetti & meatballs, mac and cheese sizzling from the oven, hot chocolaty brownies, a hershey bar with almonds - waxy in my mouth, new jersey blueberries with sugar on top - cool and in a bowl, sharing the big spoon with dad, on the couch, in summer.

ole's waffle shop, alameda 2005

something about
going back
the old; the familiar.
here
blue haired ladies replaced with younger blondes
who bring plates
of eggs and bacon, of meatloaf,
the brown gravy not alone
on the plate
like him, alone,
near the clock, also separate from it’s companion
Laughing Sally
they all remember her, Laughing Sally,
from Playland at the Beach, when times were different,
when they dressed up for a day of shopping, womanly gloves, manly hats;
when they dressed for anything, and life seemed more glamorous
than this one
the clock pulled out of its world
into this one
and like him, out of place
at the end of the yellow plastic counter
wondering
why is someone
photographing him
as he eats
comfort.

How To Unpeel Yourself

Start where it hurts.
(Find a sore spot.)
Remove skin.
Pick pick pick
until a river of red
runs away with your
tale of woe.

There, just there,
take one more layer.
One more thin edge.
And lift to reveal the new
tender webbing that
envelops you
like rose petals.

gone fishing

Deep sea diving. Home on the 14th of the month.