27 Powers

Sunday, March 19, 2006

Stef - wild write 3.16.06 - Dream or Reality?

I found myself up at 3am, he wasn't there. I searched the bed, the living room, nothing.
Where was he. Was I actually awake? Was I dreaming?
Walking throughout all the rooms. No where.
Wake up! You're dreaming. He's not really gone.
You hear her cry again. Where is she? Why can't I go to her?
I lean against the sink; darkness.
I turn on the light quick, my eyes squint.
Wake up! Wake up!
Did he leave? Did I know he was leaving?
Wake up!
Cries again...go to her.
Silence. Did she really cry?
I think so - quiet. Don't go yet, maybe she'll fall back asleep.
Does she know he's gone?
Does she realize it's only me?
I want to cry.
Did something happen? Did he really leave?
I go to her. Ear on door; waiting to hear the cry, the breath.
She's sleeping.
Did I really dream this? Am I awake?
I pinch myself because that's what they say.
I look to the photograph on the wall, are the 3 of us there?
Yes, still there.
I stumble back to an empty bed.
4am. Lay awake - my head racing.
Should I call? Did something happen?
I can't remember anything. Did he tell me he was leaving? Is he gone for good?
No, can't be.
He'd never leave her.
4:30am, here I am still awake.
I turn over, cold in bed with flannel pajamas, a sweatshirt and wool socks.
I can't get warm.
4:45 awaken, the door lock is coming undone. I must of fallen asleep. The door opens. I lay still, not wanting to breathe.
Why? Why am I so afraid? Afraid of what?
The dark. The darkness holds so much. So much of the unknown.
He creeps in, clothes off, slips into bed. I lay still. He rolls into me.
Nothing.
Minutes go by. I whisper; "where were you?" Nothing. I wishiper again; "where were you?" Heavy breath on my neck.
Nothing.
I exhale. Breathe. Breathe.
6am alarm goes off - awake.